Problems after problems, just keep arising. I'm so exhausted, I'm totally drained out.
What has happened in the past 24 hours? My self esteem dropped, I'm putting other's happiness before mine, I became a disappointment to someone special, my parents and myself.
Ever get the feeling like you've tried so hard, but yet you still failed to receive success? I'm going through that right now, and up till this point, I've given up trying.
Furthermore, I'm starting to notice that more and more people dislike me despite not even knowing me. Of course, one should stay strong and not let what others think affect you. But it's just too overwhelming you know? Because I don't even know what i did wrong.
Hopeless, miserable, confused. My mind's a mess. I'm stuck at a crossroad, with absolutely no clue which road to follow.
Sometimes, I'm just so sick of living in this world that i don't wish to be here anymore. But what stops me everything? My curiosity for my future. Where will i be? Who am i with? How am i doing? Sometimes, its these thoughts that strives me to keep going forward, to not give up.
I've told myself, don't focus on the haters, focus on the people who actually loves you. "Haters won't get money for hating you." as quoted from someone. I tell myself to stay strong, because if I break down, that's exactly what the haters want. But I want to prove them wrong, that they don't affect me.
On the other hand, I still do feel like a disappointment especially to my parents. Why can't i be smarter? Why can't i be more behaved? Why can't i receive better grades? I've tried so hard for them, yet i see no improvement in myself.
Note to self and everyone else feeling the same : Don't give up yeah? You're still young. Everyone is special in their own way. Parents will still care for you and love you no matter how much you anger them or disappoint them. Embrace your flaws, and surround yourself with positive people who accept you for you.
Good Luck! for me too.
-Lei
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