My 3am thoughts

It's often that we see the ones smiling the brightest who are the most depressed.

The ones who go around smiling, laughing and jumping around, like they're so carefree, they're also the ones sitting alone at 3am, smoking and crying.

We make it seem like our minds are filled with colours and rainbows, but in actual fact, its dull and grey, with depressing and suicidal thoughts.

"You're so fun, You have so much freedom, I wish I were you." Do you, really?

Everything you see, is exactly what I want to show.
Like an iceberg, or possibly the one that sank The Titanic. Harmless, small and vulnerable on the surface, but underneath? Its this massive block of ice that killed hundreds.

Or much like a storybook, the cover is whats made to show. But people won't know the context until they finish reading it.

They often say, don't judge a book by its cover, but what if I only want people to look at the cover.

"It's okay to be vulnerable, it's okay to cry." They say.
But what if I don't want to? Is that okay?

What if I only want to let my walls down infront of someone who has the courage to tell me that everything will be fine.

Everyone has their own story. And this is mine.

I need that someone to be strong enough to open my book, read till the very end and continue onto the next book in my series.

I want to find my scubadiver who will dive into the sea to look at my iceberg entirely before crashing into it.

But what if that person doesn't exist?
Or possibly, I have already lost him?